


Curiosity Killed the Cat

by Chaos_Valkyrie



Series: Agent O [17]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Family Feels, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Personal Reflection, friendship feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 20:56:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7773103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaos_Valkyrie/pseuds/Chaos_Valkyrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perry's phone rang, and he glanced at it, frowning a bit as he noticed the caller was Candace. He was near the entrance, so he stepped outside, even as he accepted the call. </p><p>His kids never called him, for obvious reasons, and Candace rarely even texted him. So for her to forget and call…</p><p>There was sobbing on the other end of the phone. His world narrowed down, and he didn’t even notice as the mug slipped in his hand, spilling tea on his shoes and the sidewalk below.</p><p>He churred loudly, letting her know that he was there and listening.</p><p>“Uncle Perry! We need help!” His heart clenched with fear. “I tried mom and dad, but I couldn’t get through. You’ve got to get over here right now… something’s happened to Heinz!”</p><p>Perry’s heart almost stopped all together. The mug shattered on the pavement, but he didn’t even notice, as he was already sprinting for his car.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Heinz sat in his lair, turning his greatest (and possibly worst) invention over and over in his paws.

When he had built the Ocelot-inator, he'd never intended to use it again. He'd been only a child, never once thinking of how he'd live the rest of his life. All he had thought about was reclaiming the happiness that had been, once again, snatched from him.

He didn't regret it. Even before meeting his alternate, fully human self, he had never regretted his choice, bittersweet and lonely as so many of the years had turned out. The happiness he had shared with his true family, the sense of fulfillment that came with being an agent, meeting the kids, meeting and loving Perry...

In a few days, it would be their anniversary. Two years since he'd met the man who would become his everything. Two rollercoaster years of emotional turbulence that he would never trade for anything in this world.

Heinz knew Perry was making plans. The man thought he was sneaky, and he was, but this was Heinz, who knew his boyfriend better than anyone. Heinz let him keep his secrets, however, just as he had his own plans to finalize...

Which brought him back to the -inator in his paws. Heinz had never thought, as a child, about falling in love, what it would mean to spend the rest of his life with someone. What it would mean after the change, especially if it was a human he fell for...

Heinz knew Perry was it for him. And Heinz was almost completely certain that Perry felt the same. He wanted to spend the rest of his life loving and living with this man who had come to mean so much to him.

The question was how? How would he spend that life? As an ocelot, or as a human being?

It wasn’t an easy decision. 

Becoming human, essentially, would mean he was coming back from the dead. He had no urge to contact the family he’d left behind so many years ago – he’d never regretted leaving them – but surely there’d be paperwork? People asking all sorts of uncomfortable questions? Heinz Doofenshmirtz couldn’t just carry on about business after being missing for 30 years, could he?

And, more importantly, he’d lose the kids. Not permanently, but he’d have to completely rebuild his relationship with them from scratch. Gone would be the easy trust and love between them, and even if they did come to love him again, it would never quite be the same.

And he’d have to go ‘missing’ again – permanently this time. After witnessing their deep despair at Christmas, he didn’t think he could put them through that again.

And the Agency, how would they react? This was a Very Big Secret that he’d kept from them for thirty years. He’d narrowly avoided becoming a guinea pig the first time they’d questioned his unnaturalness… what would they do now? He’d already thwarted his own Agency several times in the past – a secret he hadn’t even told Perry. 

Back in Otto’s later years, shortly before he’d retired, he thwarted his scientist’s Amnesia-nator. The two siblings had already witnessed the Agency reusing certain inventions ‘for the greater good,’ and were already jaded towards certain higher ups, who were more interested in preserving their own self-interests, rather than that ‘greater good’. So Otto came to Heinz first, and together they destroyed any and all knowledge of the –inator. 

It was the first time he’d thwarted his own Agency. It wouldn’t be the last.

He didn’t care much about Monogram’s reaction, or that of the other agents. But what would Carl, Bea, and Newton think about all this? How would they react to his new human status?

There was so much that could go wrong, so many uncertainties looming over his head, but Heinz knew Perry is worth all of it. Even if he lost everything else, if he still had Perry, it’d always be worth it.

Being an ocelot limited their relationship in so many ways. They couldn’t properly date each other except by always spending time at Perry’s. He had to maintain his cover, so even if they did go out in public, he still had to play a mindless pet. They barely got to see each other outside of work, what with his status as family pet, so the few dates they did have were stolen moments, few and far between…

And that wasn’t even touching the physical limitations. He’d never even been able to kiss Perry properly, much less taking things up to the next level…

Let’s just say a tongue that felt like sandpaper could be a real mood-killer, and leave it at that.

Heinz sighed. He’d have to talk this over with Perry, there was no other way. He’d kind of wanted to surprise the man, but this was too big a decision, and would drastically effect them both. 

He gently set the ocelot-inator down on his half-finished Human-inator blueprints, and vowed to talk to his boyfriend as soon as they had a moment alone.

He looked at the time and winced. The kids were on fall break this week, and Linda was dropping Candace and Stacy off at the beach for one last time before the weather cooled, as long as Heinz went with them. 

He snuck up to the lair entrance hidden in the garage, just in time to hear, “Hey, where’s Heinz?”

He dropped to all fours and chirped, pushing his way into the house through the slightly ajar door. 

“Oh, there you are, Heinz! Mom, I found him, can we go now?” Candace yelled, hugging her feline friend.

“Have you got everything?” Linda asked as she walked back into the kitchen. 

“Yes mom!” Candace replied dutifully, excited to be going to the beach.

“All right then, let’s go pick up Stacy,” Linda replied, ushering her daughter and family pet back out the door. 

Heinz’s sharp hearing caught Lawrence asking the boys, “And what do you boys have planned for today?”

“Ferb and I are going to be secret agents!” he heard Phineas reply. He shook his head fondly. Bless his boys.

*****

Perry heard a groan come from the cubicle next door, and smirked as he put the final touches on his latest report.

‘Trouble in paradise?’ he called out, hearing a thump that sounded like Bea’s head hitting her keyboard. His smirk widened, and he saved his work, grabbing his tea mug as he left the cell. 

It only took a few minutes to raid Heinz’s office for the ‘good stuff’, before heading back downstairs to Bea’s own cubicle. She had worked up a slow, steady rhythm by that point, but stopped at the first sniff of Heinz’s blend.

‘Bless you,’ she groaned, making grabby hands at the mug. He gave it to her, chuckling as she took a deep drag from the mug. He waited patiently as he sipped his own tea.

‘Who creates a Non-exist-inator just to rid the world of goulash? What the heck even is goulash?!’ Perry chuckled at his friend’s moan of long suffering. ‘It fired a beam into the atmosphere before I could destroy it, but really? This is what I signed up for? Saving the world’s goulash supply?’

‘It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it,’ Perry said in a sing-song voice. She just glared at him. He took his cue and headed back to his own office, a smug grin on his face.

Perry's phone rang, and he glanced at it, frowning a bit as he noticed the caller was Candace. He was near the entrance, so he stepped outside, even as he accepted the call. 

His kids never called him, for obvious reasons, and Candace rarely even texted him. So for her to forget and call…

There was sobbing on the other end of the phone. His world narrowed down, and he didn’t even notice as the mug slipped in his hand, spilling tea on his shoes and the sidewalk below.

He churred loudly, letting her know that he was there and listening.

“Uncle Perry! We need help!” His heart clenched with fear. “I tried mom and dad, but I couldn’t get through. You’ve got to get over here right now… something’s happened to Heinz!”

Perry’s heart almost stopped all together. The mug shattered on the pavement, but he didn’t even notice, as he was already sprinting for his car.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Which Perry Isn’t Always a Cautious Driver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will start getting longer soon. Enjoy!

Perry didn’t know or care how many traffic laws he broke crossing town to his family’s house. He only cursed, very loudly in animal speak, that his need to maintain his cover prevented him from using his much faster hover-jet.

He pulled up in front of the house, flinging the car door open and tearing towards the backyard. He jumped the fence to find the kids milling about anxiously, but he only had eyes for the form lying still under a blanket.

‘What happened?’ he signed, marching over to pull back the cover…

…only to let it drop quickly back into place. He turned to the kids in bewilderment.

‘What…?’ he signed, before Phineas interrupted.

“That’s Heinz… we think.”

Perry rubbed a hand over his face. He motioned for the kids to sit down over by the back door and wait for him. He turned back to the blanket, kneeling down and folding it back just enough so that the form beneath could maintain its modesty.

He lifted a wrist, feeling a strong pulse beating under the thin skin. Since it didn’t look like – Heinz? – would be waking any time soon, he covered him with the sheet again, before going over to sit with the kids.

He pointed at Phineas and Ferb, who had the decency to look guilty. ‘Explain from the beginning,’ he signed, before putting a comforting arm around Candace and rubbing her arm, helping her to calm down.

“Well, we decided that we would be secret agents today. So Ferb built this really cool secret lair under the house –“

“For the last time, I didn’t build it!” the green-haired boy said exasperatedly. 

“If you didn’t, then who did?” Phineas asked in confusion. Perry waved a hand, feeling kind of guilty.

‘Not important now. Continue,’ he signed.

“Anyway, on the table was a weird ray gun and some blueprints! They weren’t finished, but they were geared towards ocelots!” Ferb nudged Phineas, who admitted, “You’re right. I wasn’t sure what the device would do, but it looked like it would make it so that Heinz could talk to us!”

“But instead, it appears to have turned him human,” Ferb finished. Phineas winced.

Perry scrubbed a hand over his face again. ‘Do you still have the device?’

The three children looked at each other. “No. We ran inside to get a blanket, and when we were coming back out, we saw a flash of light and it was just… gone.”

‘What about the older gun?’ Perry asked, dread building in his stomach. He promised himself he’d freak out later, for that light had to be the stray shot fired by Bea’s nemesis… and it could’ve easily hit the kids or Heinz…

Later. Task at hand for now.

Phineas looked guilty. “We used it in the building of the new device.”

Perry rolled his eyes to the heavens. ‘Blueprints?’

Ferb pulled out two sheets of paper from their planning book and handed them to Perry. The half-finished set was definitely in Heinz’s handwriting… he folded the sheets together and stuck them in his pocket.

‘All right, this is what we’re going to do for now. You three are going to lie to your parents until we figure out how we’re going to fix this.’

The kids exchanged looks. “You want us to lie to Mom and Dad?!”

‘By omission. I doubt it will go over well if you tell them you turned your pet human, even if they believe you. Just tell them that Heinz was in an accident, and that since you couldn’t get a hold of them, you called me. I came and took him to the doctor’s, okay?’ He put a hand on Candace’s and Ferb’s shoulders. 

The kids nodded reluctantly. ‘I’m going to take him to my apartment for now, all right? I’ll find a way to fix this, I promise.’

Perry walked back over to blanket, and wrapped it tenderly around the naked and very human form beneath. ‘You two, inside,’ he signed, pointing at the boys. ‘Candace, come help me get him in my car.’

He lifted the long, lean form carefully, before walking quickly from the backyard to his still-running car. Candace opened the door to the passenger seat, watching nervously as her uncle gently laid their former pet down and buckled him in.

Perry turned and gave his niece a hug. ‘He’ll be all right, I promise.’

She sniffled. “Thanks, Uncle Perry.”

‘You’re in charge until your parents get home, all right?’

She straightened up at those words, saluting her uncle. “You can count on me, Uncle Perry!” she said, before heading back into the back yard.

Perry’s grin fell as soon as she was out of sight. He got into the car, strapping himself in, before looking at the unconscious form in the passenger’s seat. 

He took out his phone, and sent a quick text to Carl, asking him to remotely lock down all entrances to Heinz’s lair, and that he and Heinz would explain later. And to not breath a word to anyone, especially Monogram.

He knew that would set off Carl’s warning bells, but even if Carl still didn’t trust Perry, he wouldn’t betray Heinz’s trust.

Putting his phone away, he briefly rested his forehead on the steering wheel and allowed himself to feel for a moment. He knew no one was really to blame for what happened today, but he couldn’t help but shiver, just a little, at how close everything had come to epic disaster.

He huffed a breath, and pulling himself back together, turned his car out into the lazy suburban traffic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was evil last time, leaving you hanging like that. But I did give you hints as to what would happen next – namely, the half-finished Human-inator, and the boys deciding to play secret agents. Which, if you remember, is the episode where they discover Perry’s lair in the show. Kudos to those who figured it out.
> 
> I’m using a ton of show references in this installment, so many that I’ve got a list! I’ll post it at the last chapter.
> 
> At some point I’ll go back and answer comments – on this and other installments. I do read them, but there were so many I couldn’t answer because of Spoilers! that I had to bypass them at the time. Now that we’re at the end, I can finally go back and congratulate people on sniffing out my overall plotline.
> 
> Abrupt ending, I know, but what was going to be the next section wasn’t panning out like I wanted. So, next time we’ll see both Heinz’s and Perry’s reactions to the day’s events. See you on Sunday!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heinz wakes up.

For the second time in recent history, Heinz awoke warm, content, and with the distinct impression that something wasn't quite right.

He froze, now wide awake, but feigning sleep while he assessed the situation.

He was in a bed, alone, and could just hear the muted sounds of traffic outside. The bed was familiar, and a brief sniff alerted him to the fact that it was Perry's – though the smell was dulled, somehow. He peeked an eye open quickly, shutting it again as he confirmed that this was indeed Perry's bedroom.

All right, what did he remember? Stacy's mom had just dropped Candace and Heinz off at the Flynn-Fletcher residence, when they heard the sounds of construction coming from the backyard. They had walked around the back of the house to check on the boys...

His brow furrowed as he tried to remember. Phineas said something to the effect of, “Hey, Candace, look what we invented!”

There was a bright flash of light...

Heinz sighed. He really needed to break this habit of getting hit by rogue -inators and waking up in strange places. He wasn't sure how or why he was now at Perry's, but he was sure his boyfriend would tell him once he let him know he was now awake.

Heinz stretched and yawned, opening his eyes fully...

There was something wrong with his nose. He crossed his eyes, trying to get a better look at what was different, and of course couldn't actually tell. He reached up with one paw...

Oh mein gott. His paw wasn't a paw anymore. He stared at the alien appendage, heart rate steadily increasing as it flexed open and shut at his own mental commands...

This was his hand. His very human hand on his – he looked down – very human body. His human body that he hadn't seen in over thirty years...

Ohmeingott.

“Perry!” he screamed, then clapped a hand over his mouth. Apparently, he hadn't forgotten how to speak in all these years.

He faintly heard a thud from down the hall, then the sound of footsteps quickly drawing close. The door flew open, revealing his (thankfully) still human boyfriend.

Heinz distantly wondered if he looked as panicked as he felt. He must, because suddenly Perry was seated beside him, his arms wrapped around Heinz, one hand rubbing down his neck and back as he churred soothingly.

Heinz wrapped his arms around Perry, marveling at how much smaller his boyfriend seemed, now that he was human again. Oh yeah...

He pulled back, biting his lip as he looked at Perry nervously. There was fear and worry on the other man's face, but no disgust or anger, so that was good.

“H-how?” he asked, a little dazed at being able to speak again.

Perry, in turn, only looked more agitated. 'Can you still understand me?' he asked slowly in their own, special language, and Heinz grinned.

“Of course!” he replied, causing Perry to noticeably relax. “Though I'm not sure I can make the same sounds as before...” He jolted as he managed a very weak purr.

Perry smiled fondly, the rest of the tension leaving him. 'Do you remember what happened?'

Heinz shook his head, and Perry sighed, pulling some papers from his pocket and handing them to Heinz. He unfolded them, cringing as he recognized what they were.

Well shit. He looked up at Perry guiltily, hands nervously smoothing over the blueprints in his blanket-covered lap.

“I was planning to talk to you about this, as soon as I saw you again,” he trailed off, chuckling nervously, “Seems the boys beat me to it.”

Perry simply took Heinz's hands between his own, halting his nervous fiddling. Heinz stared at their hands, marveling at the new sensation of skin on bare skin for a moment before continuing.

“I had never thought about it before, becoming human again,” he stated, clearing his throat. “As a kid, I had planned on changing and never looking back. And I never did look back, not once... not until you.” Perry's eyes softened. 

“But it was a big decision, turning back. There were so many problems that could and will arise with me becoming human again. So I had planned to talk to you about it, on our anniversary if not before, so that we could decide together.”

Perry squeezed his hands gently. 'I would've supported you in whatever you decided. And I still will, with whatever you decide to do now.'

Heinz smiled. “I know.” He coughed a little, his vocal chords unaccustomed to this type of usage. “So I take it the boys found the lair?”

Perry nodded. 'I had Carl lock it down after I came to get you.' Perry raised a hand before Heinz could ask. 'The kids called me in a panic, after they couldn't get a hold of their parents. I brought you here and told the kids to tell Linda and Lawrence only that there had been an 'accident'. Only the kids and I know you were turned human.'

Heinz sighed. “Carl won't alert Monogram, but the sooner we get in touch with him, the better.” He met Perry's eyes with determination. “We need a game plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is short, but its setting up for the next part – their talk with the kids. 
> 
> I know it seems like I'm dragging this out, and maybe I am, subconsciously... Even though this isn't technically the end of Agent O – I'm still planning the reader request installment to come after this – I've found myself more emotional about the end than I thought I'd be. I've been sunk in this storyline since March, after all, so part of me is just hesitant to finish it, I guess. 
> 
> But finish it, I shall. See you next time!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reflections and Talks.

Now that Heinz was finally, truly alone, he walked to the bathroom and stared critically at himself in the mirror.

He had been surprised to discover that the transformation had left him unconscious well into the night. Perry left the bedroom so Heinz could dress in a borrowed t-shirt and sleep pants that only came halfway down his calves. After a quick breakfast, the pair had tossed around ideas of just how much to tell all the parties involved in this new development.

'You don't trust the Agency?' Perry had looked a little shocked by the revelation.

“The Major and Admiral aren't as bad as their predecessors, but I'm not taking any chances. In the past, when I first started in the labs, I noticed that some of the confiscated inventions would 'disappear'. The old head of the labs was selling them on the black market and pocketing the money. Luckily, he left enough of a paper trail that I could bust him for it. And it wasn't just him. While most of the people we fight usually dabble in more crackpot inventions, occasionally someone will create something fairly lethal. OWCA, in the past, used to pass these weapons on to other military agencies.”

'Used to?' Perry asked, looking a little sick at the thought of the Agency's darker past.

Heinz grinned smugly. “All the inventions pass through me now. Anything I think might be used as a weapon, I sabotage as thoroughly as I can and sign off on as being 'too unstable' for use.” Heinz grimaced, meeting Perry's eyes with a pleading expression. “Please don't tell anyone. I haven't even told Carl any of this – Otto was the only one who ever knew about it.”

Perry rested his hand on Heinz's. 'Your secrets are always safe with me. Though,' he continued with a snort, 'I'd love to see the military use the Ballgown-inator on their enemies.'

Heinz giggled, then flinched. Perry's hand squeezed his as he looked at Heinz fondly. 'Don't. You have a cute laugh. And I like the hint of an accent you have now too.'

Heinz blushed again in remembrance. They had finalized their plans, and then Perry had run off to the mall to pick up some clothing basics for Heinz, leaving him awake and alone for the first time since the transformation.

So now, it was finally time to get a real good look at the now human Heinz.

He had known, vaguely, what to expect after seeing his other-dimension self. His nose was just as long and pointy as he remembered it. His hair had grown long, however, long enough to pull back in a ponytail at the base of his neck. He was surprised at the lack of facial hair, and he had forgotten about his pointy chin. His eyes were the same shade of blue, but he could tell that he had lost the sharpness of his ocelot-vision.

He stood much taller and straighter than his counterpart did. He pulled off his borrowed shirt, looking at his chest and stomach. He had some muscle definition, but poking at his stomach, he could see where the almond brittle was beginning to catch up with him. His long fingers traced over several scars on his chest and arms – old marks left from the Destructicon and Rodney days.

He was examining a particularly nasty looking scar that traced over his left side when he felt (and saw) two well-muscled arms wrap around him from behind.

'I love you,' Perry churred, kissing Heinz on his bare shoulder. Heinz could feel him frown against his skin. 'Its not fair that I have to reach up now to do this. Other you wasn't this tall,' he complained.

Heinz snorted. “Yes he was, he had that terrible slouch, remember?”

Perry peeked around Heinz's shoulder, his arms still firmly wrapped around Heinz's waist.

'So, what do you think of you?' he asked, meeting Heinz's eyes in the reflection. Heinz shrugged a little.

“I was nine when I transformed. Some things I remember, some things I didn't, though I never expected to be this tall.” He took one of Perry's hands and held it up to his own. “Aw, look at your tiny little fingers!”

Perry snorted, using his other hand to tickle Heinz's waist. 'I'll show you little fingers,' he snorted as Heinz twisted away, trying to evade his boyfriend's wrath even as he giggled breathlessly.

Perry grinned up at him, taking his hand and pulling him from the room.

'I just got you some basics for now. We can go shopping this weekend and flesh out your wardrobe then.' Perry led Heinz into his bedroom, his other hand gesturing to the bags laying on his bed. 'And I made an appointment with my barber for this afternoon, after we are done talking to the kids.'

Heinz nodded absently, rifling through the first bag, pulling out a pair of jeans and a dark green t-shirt. He snorted loudly, causing Perry to look at him questioningly. “Ocelot boxers?” he asked, holding up a pair of navy blue boxers patterned with ocelots in various poses. Perry flushed scarlet.

'Forgot about those. Those, um, those are actually for me,' Perry mumbled adorably, hurriedly pulling the boxers from Heinz and stuffing them in the nearest drawer. He rifled through another bag, and still red-faced, turned to Heinz with a wide grin.

'These are for you!' he exclaimed, presenting Heinz with an almost identical pair, except they were green and featured platypuses in various poses.

Heinz fell onto the bed, he was laughing so hard. Perry watched him fondly, only commenting, 'It's amazing what you can find at the Tri-State mall.'

*****

“So what did you tell your cousin, again?” Heinz asked as he fiddled nervously with a throw pillow from an armchair near the couch. Perry grimaced.

'I texted him to tell him that you didn't make it, but that I wanted to break it to the kids myself.' Perry waved his hands helplessly. 'I hate lying to him, but the reality is just too strange to believe.'

Heinz snorted. “This is Danville. Trust me, stranger things have happened.”

The buzzer went off before Perry could reply. Heinz hugged the pillow tightly to his chest, glad he was sitting down as his heart rate skyrocketed. Perry gave him a sympathetic glance before he turned to hit the release. It seemed like only moments before the doorbell rang, and Perry opened the door to usher three somber children into the room.

Heinz waved nervously from his chair as the three children sat on the sofa and stared at their former pet. “Hi, kids.”

Perry leaned against the arm of Heinz's chair, squeezing his shoulder in comfort before signing to the kids.

'Heinz and I have some things to tell you,' he started. Ferb nodded calmly while Phineas looked confused. Candace merely looked back and forth between the adults in narrow-eyed suspicion.

“Couldn't you change him back, Uncle Perry?” Phineas asked. Heinz cleared his throat nervously, as Perry started to sign.

'I'm afraid its too dangerous to try, kids. But first, we need to tell you someth-'

Candace pointed at Heinz, cutting her uncle off mid-sign. “You're uncle Perry's boyfriend, aren't you?!”

The two men looked at each other nervously. 'Well –' Perry started to sign.

Candace ignored him, her brothers watching her in awe as she listed off her reasons. “One, you used the same name sign for Heinz that you use for your boyfriend. Two, you have personal space issues – you wouldn't sit right next to someone like that –“ she gestured to way Perry sat propped on the chair's arm – “unless you really care about them. And three, Heinz was very insistent that the colors for your wedding should be purple and teal.”

Perry was slack jawed by this point. He turned to his boyfriend and churred, 'Our wedding?'

Heinz did his best to keep a straight face as he nodded. “Our cake is going to be spectacular, and the song she wrote for our first dance will make you cry.” He looked over at Candace and smiled proudly. “I can see those Sherlock Holmes novels have really paid off.”

Perry was nearly knocked from the side of the chair as Candace launched herself at Heinz and squealed, hugging him happily.

“Uncle Perry really does have the best boyfriend ever!” she exclaimed. Heinz was stunned for a moment, before he gingerly wrapped his arms around his favorite girl and hugged her back. 

“So, you're okay with this?” Heinz asked, trying hard to keep his emotions in check. “You don't think its weird?”

Candace pulled back, sitting on Heinz's lap with one arm still wrapped around him. She told him matter-of-factly, “Uncle Perry was raised by platypuses. I never expected him to have a normal relationship.” They ignored Perry's indignant churr from the sofa, where he had moved to sit with the boys. “That's why none of those people Mom tried to set him up with ever worked out. And you're my other best friend, next to Stacy. Why wouldn't I approve?”

Heinz sniffled, trying really hard not to cry.

'So, you don't have a problem with my dating your former pet ocelot?' Perry asked in confirmation. Candace shook her head happily, while the boys looked at each other and shrugged.

“You love who you love,” Phineas stated, while Ferb nodded next to him. “Besides, this is Danville, Uncle Perry. Stranger things happen all the time,” Phineas chuckled.

Perry looked shocked, glancing over at Heinz who gave him an 'I-warned-you-about-this-town' expression.

“He obviously hasn't met the Giant Floating Baby Head yet,” Ferb added. Perry looked between the Ferb and Heinz, who just nodded.

“Or the zebra!” Candace piped up. 

“Candace, only you see the zebra,” Phineas stated.

“Actually, I have, when I've been with Candace,” Heinz corrected. “I still don't get why he calls you Kevin, though.” Candace merely shrugged.

“So is that why you can't become an ocelot again? For true love?” Candace squealed. 

Heinz chuckled. “Partly. Also, its too dangerous to try it without the gun the boys used to turn me human in the first place.”

The boys looked at each other. “But we still have the blueprints –” Phineas started. Heinz raised a hand to stop him.

“Not your device. The Ocelot-inator that you found down in the old bunker with my blueprints.”

Phineas looked at Heinz with wide eyes. “The Ocelot-inator?”

Heinz looked sheepish. “I was your age when I invented it and turned myself into an ocelot. You see, like your uncle, I was raised in the wild, except by ocelots.”

“Told you, not someone normal,” Candace sing-songed, smiling at Heinz fondly. He grinned back.

“You invented that? When you were our age?” Phineas's eyes were shining.

“So let me get this straight. You were adopted by ocelots, and so changed yourself into an ocelot to better fit in with your family. Judging by your Drusselsteinian accent, you at some point moved to America and the Tri-state area, where you then met and fell in love with our uncle Perry after he moved here two years ago,” Ferb announced. 

“Its our anniversary this Friday!” Heinz chirped, causing Candace to 'aww' from where she was still sitting on his lap.

'Are you okay with this?' Perry signed to boys, waving a hand between himself and Heinz.

“Are you kidding? If he invented that gun when he was our age, and drew up those blueprints that we only barely modified, just imagine what he could invent with us now!” Phineas exclaimed, clearly excited at the prospect of having someone else to do Science with. Ferb nodded as well.

“Heinz was already family. Now he's still family, just in a different way,” the green haired boy stated firmly.

Heinz sniffled, losing his battle as he cried tears of joy. He opened his arms, and the boys ran over to join their sister in hugging their former family pet. He met Perry's eyes over their heads, the two men smiling at each other in love and relief.

“So, does this mean that you and Uncle Perry are moving in together?” Candace asked, causing both men's eyes to widen.

'If you want to, I'd love to have you live here with me,' Perry churred nervously, a hopeful expression on his face. Heinz beamed back at him.

“Yes, yes we are,” Heinz stated firmly, causing the three kids to cheer and their Uncle to sigh in relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, he's still canon-Heinz, just in slightly better shape, with probably the same amount, if differently gotten scars, and who stands with more confidence. He still hunches down when he gets upset, but not as badly as canon-Heinz. And I gave this Heinz his long hippie hair to begin with, but it'll be trimmed back to look more like Jekyll Doofenshmirtz's hair.
> 
> I had other plans for the Talk, but the kids took over and completely derailed it. And I enjoyed it so much, I kept it.
> 
> So basically, the kids are getting most of the truth. They didn't tell them about the spy and evil scientist part of their relationship, they'll leave that for when they're older. Or about working for OWCA or it being a secret government spy agency. But yeah, for the most part, everything else.
> 
> And really, this is Danville. Weird shit happens all the time and no one ever bats an eyelash at it. So why would the kids, who seem to be exceptionally open minded?
> 
> And damn straight Candace has their entire wedding planned, even though she hadn't known Heinz was the boyfriend at the time. Just look what she did for Linda's sister... 
> 
> Next Time: OWCA. See you Sunday!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU everyone for your patience and understanding and well-wishes. I had hoped to have this out a week ago, but with everything going on, I have been exhausted to my bones. 
> 
> Dad's out of the hospital, but the saga is far from over since I'm going to be covering his work as well as my own for the next 5 weeks at least as he heals. So just be warned if updates get spotty again.
> 
> As a thank you for everything, I also posted tonight the first part of the sequel to 'Progression'. Its called 'Two Steps Forward', and I hope to have the second part finished for next Weds. 
> 
> So, go enjoy double Perryshmirtz posts!

Heinz fiddled with his phone nervously, having just sent off one of the most nerve-wracking text messages of his life.

'Meet me @ Monogram's office. 30 min.'

It seemed so innocent, but the reality was that in thirty minutes time, he would be seeing his friends, coworkers, and 'boss' for the first time since becoming human. 

Perry and Heinz had decided to break the news to Monogram and their friends – Bea, Carl, and Newton – first at the Major's office. The rumor mill would then spread the news to rest of the agency from there.

A hand reached over and squeezed his fingers gently. Heinz looked up and blew out a breath at the sympathetic smile on Perry's face.

'Are you ready for this?' Perry asked, lacing his fingers through Heinz's as he pulled them towards the apartment door. Heinz shrugged.

“Not like I have a choice. The Agency will find out one way or another, so it might as well be on my terms.”

'True,' Perry agreed, then held up a single finger. 'Wait here, I've got a surprise for you.' Heinz watched fondly as Perry jogged down the hall to his – no, wait, their – bedroom. Heinz's smile widened at the thought. Theirs. 

Perry reappeared, his hands hidden behind his back. Heinz tilted his head as he took in Perry's smug expression.

'You could go into work like that –' he said, nodding to the grey slacks and navy button-down Heinz was wearing – 'But I think you need something to finish the outfit. Ta-da,' he held out a gift bag to Heinz. 'I would've gotten a card, but I doubt they make one that says congratulations on becoming human!'

Heinz snorted. “I wouldn't be too sure, this is Danville after all.” He pulled open the bag, then laughed as he pulled out a lab coat.

'Your very own first human-sized lab coat!' Perry grinned at him as he slowly pulled it on over his shirt, then smoothed his hands down the front to get rid of any wrinkles.

“How does it look?” Heinz asked, holding his arms wide. Perry stepped forward, smile broadening as he looked up at Heinz.

'Fantastic,' he whispered, and Heinz was suddenly nervous for an entirely new, much better reason.

Despite being boyfriends, despite having moved in together, despite sleeping in the same bed together, the pair hadn't moved their physical relationship forward at all yet. Heinz wasn't sure why, because now that he was human, there were things he definitely wanted to try (like kissing!). 

Perry's watch beeped, interrupting the moment. Heinz almost moaned as his boyfriend stepped back with an apologetic shrug.

'We'd better get going, or we'll be late for our own meeting.' 

Perry turned and headed for the door, but Heinz could still see him grin when he muttered a “Curse you, Perry the Platypus,” under his breath.

*****

'Do you have any idea what's going on?' Bea asked Newton. He shrugged in reply.

'No idea, but it must be something important. Where's Perry? Shouldn't he be here too?'

'He took a sick day yesterday. Could it be about that?' Bea wondered out loud.

'I don't think Heinz would involve Monogram for anything that simple...' Newton trailed off as a knock sounded at the door. 

“Enter!” Monogram gruffly called out. The door cracked open, and Perry popped his head, checking to see that they were all present.

'Oh, there's Perry,' Bea managed to get out before the door swung open – revealing Perry holding hands with another human male.

Bea glanced around to see if anyone else knew what the heck was going on. Monogram looked confused, Carl looked murderous, and Newton had a tiny little smirk on his face, as he nodded a greeting at the two men. The stranger shut the door behind them, before turning to face the room's occupants again.

Obviously Newton knew something. She studied the stranger more closely, taking in the lab coat, the long nose, the blue eyes so similar to – 

'Heinz?!' she exclaimed, and the stranger hunched his shoulders in the exact same way her ocelot friend did when he felt uneasy.

“Hey, Bea,” he said in a lightly accented voice, before clearing his throat nervously and facing Monogram and Carl. 

Heinz made a nervous little wave with his free hand. “Hi, um, its me, Heinz the formerly-an-ocelot.”

“Say what now?” Monogram stuttered out, while Carl had gone from murderous to bemused.

Heinz took a deep breath, Perry squeezing his hand supportively. Bea shared a glance with Newton, who looked completely unsurprised by the whole affair.

'How did this happen?' Bea asked the question on most everyone's minds.

Heinz looked sheepish. “I was trying to reverse engineer one of the cold case -inators.” Carl and Monogram nodded – there were a lot of old inventions they still didn't understand the purpose of down in storage. Heinz often liked to pull one out when work was slow and try to figure out what it did.

“It was an old ray gun this time. Perry helped me with the fine wiring, and when we finished, we decided to take it out to the range to test it. This was two days ago, when Bea was out on mission.” Bea almost groaned at the reminder. Goulash.

“Anyway, I went ahead while he finished his report. I accidentally dropped the gun and it misfired, hitting me in the process. I blacked out, and Perry found me – like this.” Heinz opened his arms wide.

“Great Googly Moogly! What happened next?” Bea snorted a bit. Monogram was totally engrossed in the tale, but a quick glance at Carl showed that the intern wasn't buying the story one bit. Luckily, he was standing behind Monogram, so their superior couldn't see his doubt-filled expression.

She looked over at her boys again, and noticed that Perry was subtly signing something quick to Carl while Monogram was focused on Heinz. 

“Perry guessed what had happened, but couldn't wake me, so he took me to his apartment. When he went back for the inator, it was gone. Judging by the scorch marks on the ground, he thinks it was hit by the stray shot from Bea's last mission, the Non-exist-inator.”

“So how soon can you fix... this,” Monogram asked, waving his hand at Heinz's new body. Heinz winced.

“I can't. The change appears to be permanent, and without the original -inator, it could take years before I could invent something to change me back.” Heinz shrugged. “I'm stuck like this.”

Monogram gasped. Bea pulled the brim of her Hat down so she could roll her eyes without him noticing. 

“But what about your host family? You obviously can't go home like that!” 

Bea stilled. She hadn't thought about the kids. Perry put his arm around Heinz in comfort as he sniffled.

“I'm a lost pet again, but this time, permanently. Perry's letting me move in with him, so I'll still be able to see the kids occasionally, they just won't know me as their pet anymore.”

“Oh! Is the cohabitation now official? Carl! Do we -”

“Yes sir, we still have the congratulatory card you sent around the office last time,” Carl replied with a straight face. Heinz looked over and winked at Bea and Newton while Monogram was turned away.

Bea sighed. The things her boys got up to.

“This won't effect your work, will it?” Monogram asked as he passed the card over to Perry. 

“No sir,” Heinz answered. “It will actually make my job easier, having fingers instead of paws.”

“Good, good. Well, if that was all, you're all dismissed. Carl! Go find Agent C and send him up here for debriefing.”

“Yes sir!” The group of friends exited the room. As soon as the door was shut, Carl turned to the two other men and signed something at them. Perry nodded.

'If you three can make it, come over for dinner tonight at our place and we'll tell you the real story then.' Perry signed and churred. Carl nodded, turning away to go find Agent C. 

Bea poked Heinz's knee until he bent down to her level. Then she jumped up into his arms, startling him as she hugged him.

'I'm just glad you're okay, whatever happened,' she told him before pulling back. 'I'll see you tonight.'

“Thanks, Bea,” Heinz said, smiling widely at her.

*****

Perry shut the door behind their guests, heaving a deep sigh of relief. It had been a long day at the office, and an even longer evening of explaining just how everything had gone down.

First, it seemed like every animal agent not on assignment today had passed by Heinz's office or lab, trying to peek inside at the ocelot-turned-human. The rumor mill had run wild with the story, and there were already five different versions of events floating around the halls.

The the pair rushed home after work, and while Perry did some spot cleaning, Heinz whipped together a quick pasta dish and salad for dinner. Their three guests all arrived early, then grilled the couple through out dinner about the real course of events.

Carl, Bea, and Newton were sworn to absolute secrecy before Heinz would share any of his story. They told them the absolute truth – about Heinz's actual heritage, about the Ocelot-inator, about the kids and their invention and its destruction. They promised a reluctant Carl that the kids knew nothing about the Agency or Heinz and Perry's nemesis-ship.

Once the air was cleared, Carl had relaxed and their group dynamic had returned over dessert. Thankfully, Bea could sense how tired and stressed the two had been, and so with a wink at Perry, ushered Carl and Newton out as soon as the plates had been cleared.

Perry turned, chuffing a laugh at the sight of his boyfriend flopped face down on the sofa. He walked over, poking Heinz gently on the arm, resulting in a deep muffled groan.

“Meingott, I'm glad this day is over,” Heinz complained. Perry nodded, even though Heinz couldn't see him.

'Come on,' he said, prodding more insistently, 'let's get to bed.' He pulled his reluctant boyfriend off the sofa and poked and prodded him down the hallway to their room.

Heinz whipped around in the doorway, arms wrapping around Perry and pulling him close.

“Thank you,” he whispered as Perry hugged him back just as firmly. “I could never have gotten through all of this without you. So thank you so very much.”

Perry pulled back slightly, reaching up to cup Heinz's face, his fingers carding into his hair.

'You're welcome,' he churred, pulling Heinz's face close, brushing his lips across the other's. Heinz gasped, ducking his head lower to press his lips more firmly to Perry's, as his hand shot up to cradle the back of Perry's head.

Perry ran his tongue across the seam of Heinz's lips, and felt the other man tremble in his arms. He deepened the kiss, guiding an unresisting Heinz backwards until the back of his knees hit the side of the bed. 

Heinz whined as they broke contact, falling onto his back on the soft mattress. The whine changed to a moan as Perry quickly joined him, straddling Heinz and leaning down over him. 

'By the way,' Perry whispered as he kissed his way up his boyfriend's jawline, 'Your first anniversary present from me is that I talked Carl into getting us the entire weekend off – we are officially off duty until Monday.' He mouthed Heinz's earlobe after he finished, smirking at the deep shudder that ran through the body below him.

“O-oh?” Heinz asked, gasping as Perry nipped at the jut of his jawbone before pulling back to look Heinz in the eyes. 

'Which means,' Perry continued, smirking at the disheveled man below him, 'that I have the entire night to show you just exactly what you were missing out on while you were still an ocelot.' He punctuated this by popping the first few buttons of his shirt open.

“A-all night?” Heinz stuttered, eyes darkening as Perry continued to slowly strip his shirt off. Tossing the shirt aside, he traced a light finger over Heinz's obvious arousal as he lowered himself back down.

Heinz moaned, then whimpered as Perry's hand returned to his cheek.

'Maybe even part of the morning,' Perry churred, laughing as Heinz pulled him down into a deep, filthy kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And done! You'll get an epilogue after this. 
> 
> The middle part was original going to be Perry's or Heinz's pov, but it just kept sticking, so I did what I did last time I had trouble like this, and switched to Bea. It flowed much better after that.
> 
> Carl didn't buy their story because he's done Science with Heinz before and knows that the story doesn't match up to how Heinz typically handles unknown -inators. 
> 
> Monogram doesn't know the Science, and therefore he was the one they were really there to fool. The boys just didn't count on Carl calling their bluff so soon.


	6. Epilogue

Heinz nodded along absentmindedly as Candace swung their joined hands back and forth between them, rambling on about current fashion trends. Perry and the boys walked ahead, both boys attempting to pull their uncle towards the hardware shop and away from the men's clothing store further down.

Heinz didn't blame them. Candace had gone a bit rabid the other day, insisting on accompanying Heinz and Perry to the barber shop, claiming that her uncle wouldn't know fashionable if it bit him. And when she found out about Saturday's shopping trip...

Well, to say she had taken over was an understatement. And she dragged the boys along for the ride just so she could keep an eye on them.

At least Heinz had the memories of the day before to fortify him through what promised to be countless hours of trying on clothes.

He had woken up alone, but only for a few moments before Perry walked into the bedroom, a breakfast tray in his hands and wearing nothing but his ocelot boxers. After kissing Heinz the rest of the way awake, they snuggled and ate their breakfast of pancakes and sausages. (Perry had been practicing his cooking skills just for this day. He also refused to tell Heinz just how many pancakes met a grisly end in the name of achieving these skills.)

After a longer than normal shared shower – hey, water conservation was important! – Heinz packed a picnic lunch of all Perry's favorite foods and the two headed down to the park for a long, laid back afternoon.

They relaxed in the shade of the tree where they first met exactly two years ago, talking and nibbling on the food Heinz had made. They reveled in the simple joy of being out in public and not having to pretend to be anything besides a ridiculously-in-love couple. Then, hand in hand, they slowly walked back the long way to Perry’s apartment. 

Even with Heinz’s new species status, they opted for an evening in, cooking together and barely managing to put anything edible on the table. (Perry blamed Heinz for teasing him with that damn apron again. Heinz just smirked.) They called it an early night after that… not that they got much sleeping done…

Heinz yawned discretely, blushing when Perry caught his eye and smirked.

“And we’re here!” Candace announced. “This is the most popular men’s clothing store in the mall! Soon, you’ll be the most fashionable not-an-ocelot in the Tri-state Area!”

“Thank you, Candace.” The excited tween ran ahead into the store, flagging down the nearest sales associate. “And boys,” he addressed Phineas and Ferb, who were looking forlornly a few shops back, “We’ll hit the hardware store afterwards, okay?”

“Thank you, Heinz!” the boys said, hugging their former pet before following Candace inside. He watched fondly as the kids bantered back and forth, before a larger hand entwined their fingers together.

‘You ready for an afternoon of playing dress-up with Candace?’ Perry whispered, kissing Heinz gently on the cheek.

Heinz snorted. He finally had everything he’d ever wanted in his life, and more besides, as he turned and smiled softly at his boyfriend. 

“I wouldn’t trade it for the world,” he replied whole-heartedly, pulling Perry with him to join the kids inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QED. The End. 
> 
> *heaves huge sigh*
> 
> This story has been the product of six months of love and labor, and technically, its not even over yet. 
> 
> Two Steps Forward, part 2 will post on Weds. But tonight, I posted the last installment of this series, along with this epilogue, called Love Goes On.
> 
> LGO is basically a dumping ground for continued one-shots in this story 'verse, some of which are my own continued imaginings, and the rest which are reader request. 
> 
> So if there is anything you'd like to see - from their future, or an alternate pov or a cut scene from the past - just plop it in the comments on LGO and I'll get to it, eventually.
> 
> But until then, I hope you've all enjoyed this series as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Its been a huge labor of love for me, and this installment, in particular, has been incredibly bittersweet for me to write. 
> 
> Meanwhile, I'm nowhere near finished with Perryshmirtz, so look for a couple new series to start posting soon! (And yes, one is Perry's Sidekick. I was always waiting until this was over to get back to that.)

**Author's Note:**

> And... cliffhanger. I did start to include more, but that would've spoiled the next chapter...
> 
> This'll have three parts, most likely. Maybe more.
> 
> So see you Wednesday!


End file.
